Hello, my name is Kelly, I'm 25 years old, and every day I'm grateful that I stopped drinking when I was young.
My heavy drinking was between age 19 and 23 and it took until I was at least 6 months sober to realise I'd been trapped in someone else’s mind and body.
There's sometimes a misconception that you only have to get sober if you've been an alcoholic for your whole life but here's the thing guys ... I caught control of my disease when I turned 24.
I didn't know that I would be done with drinking for good at 24 years old. Maybe it was because I hadn't got a drink driving conviction yet? Or hadn't totalled my brand new first car? Or completely lost my mind? Or lost all respect from my family, friends and co-workers?
On 1st March 2017, I went out with a few friends drinking. We started at about noon with mimosas, then scorpion bowls (an alcoholic concoction containing fruit juice multiple types of rum, vodka, gin, and Grenadine) then on to a local city bar. I don’t remember anything from this night except my last pickle back shot (a shot of whiskey chased by a pickle).
Thankfully, I woke up at home the next morning and went downstairs. My car was there, untouched, so I guessed that I must've driven it home. My mom then told me exactly what had happened. It turned out that I had tried to drive my car home from the bar. My friend tried in vain to get me out from behind the wheel and we ended up fighting. My parents were then called and had to come to the bar to save me. My mom drove my car home and apparently my dad took me home in his car, where I proceeded to pee myself and found it hysterical.
That night, I lost respect from so many people but guess what? I still didn’t think I had a problem; I just thought I'd had a super rough night once again.
On 2nd March 2017, my mom decided to take me to rehab at Butler Hospital to stay as an inpatient for one week. She told me that if I didn’t go, the locks would be changed to our house and my belongings would be left outside for me to move out.
That morning, I walked over to the liquor store and bought a pint of Jack Daniels. I was on the phone to my friend Kelly, telling her how drunk I was going to be when I arrived at the rehab centre. I told her 'It’s not like I can’t stop; I just like drinking! I don’t want to stop!'
But as soon as I arrived at the hospital, I sobered up. I realised that this was my last chance to make amends with myself, my parents, my close friends and especially my brother with whom I was once so very close.
The people around me at rehab were so inspiring and helped me transition mentally towards sober living. It wasn’t until I was sitting in group meetings with much older people that I realised how blessed I was to be given this opportunity at such a young age. I was, and still am, completely non-judgmental and so was everyone else. I lowered my guards, opened my ears, stopped defending my actions, and made the decision that I didn't want to drink anymore.
I finally realised that the pain I was causing to myself and everyone around me wasn't worth it. Nothing good was going to come out of my life if I didn't take responsibility for myself. I realized when I was alone in the hospital that people don't wait around forever, no matter how much they love you and working towards this new goal was extremely empowering. I was excited to work on my journey as a sober young woman, for myself and everyone else.
Dating sober is a different ball game for sure. I didn’t really start dating again until I was about 6 months sober. I had to learn how to date again, without pre-gaming and showing up annihilated. I remember thinking 'do people actually meet up sober?' That must be SO awkward. What am I even supposed to talk about if I’m not wasted?
Alcohol was always a great security blanket for me. Dating sober was like learning how to walk again. I definitely had to make sure that I took time to get myself right first. You really can’t love anyone else until you love yourself; I very much understand that in a new perspective.
Now that I have rediscovered myself, I’m able to meet people and tell my story. At first, I felt ashamed and like I had nothing to offer anyone but now I'm so proud and have higher standards for both myself and in someone I’m dating.
My family relationships have been given a chance to rebuild as I lost a lot of respect when I was drinking. My grandparents love to hear my progress stories and look forward to seeing me and hearing about my sober life. I feel much more included than I have in years.
Before I got sober, I would drink a water bottle full of Smirnoff before I faced the stress of a family who hated me because of my drinking problem. Now, I get excited to see my family and talk to everyone freely because I don’t reek like booze. It takes away a large amount of my social anxiety for sure. Not needing to hide everything is such a great feeling!
I cope on my own in a much healthier way now. Instead of buying alcohol to mask my good day, bad day, sad day, work day, I meditate instead. I write, I exercise and I go for hikes. I find the outdoors and fresh air is great in recovery. It might sound silly, but reflecting on all of my days sober so far helps me cope with many things.
I don’t think about drinking again because it would destroy all of my hard work which has got to me where I am today. Writing my story down and looking at pictures also helps me immensely. I’m so grateful to all of my best friends who stuck by my side through many chapters of my life and I'm glad I made it possible for them to see the person I’m capable of being. I love them all more than they'll ever understand.
I'm so grateful to be alive and to be able to tell my story. I feel like I am finally myself again after being in the dark for so long.
Recovery is so worth it. If my story gets to one person that needs to read it, my work here is complete ❤️
Written by Kelly, edited by Sober Fish
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