‘I’ve got an addictive personality’. That’s what we say don’t we? It covers a multitude of sins, makes it sound a bit more acceptable than just plain ‘I’m an addict’. Surely we are all a little bit addicted to something? I mean, everyone has their little quirks that they can’t live without whether it’s alcohol or caffeine, cigarettes or Lindor balls. 

I believe my personality is more bingey, gluttonous, difficult to satisfy. I can’t trust myself. If it’s there, I must have it. All of it. I was a smoker and I smoked cigarettes like I drank wine, in huge volumes in one sitting. I could go a week without a cigarette or a drink, but get me to 5pm on Friday and whoosh .. bang goes a bottle or two and a packet of 20. Once I popped, I just couldn’t stop.

Lots of people talk about transferring addictions or replacing their addictions with something else. The most common replacement for alcohol seems to be sugar. 
In month 1, I was keeping Lindor in business. I was buying those luscious little balls by the box load. My favourites were the hazelnut ones. God, they’re great. My excuse to myself was ‘well I’m not drinking’ which apparently gave me carte blanche to eat them all, every single one of them in my sight. So yes I became sober but I also got fatter.

In month 2, I put myself on a diet. No more Lindor balls. At this point, my addiction subtly transferred to Elderflower Presse. Still sugar, but I could restrict my intake of a drink far easier that a beautiful box of balls. The weight started to fall off so everyone was a winner. Except Lindor. 

In month 3, the cravings for sugar decreased and I reduced my sugary drinks to special occasions. And now the addiction transferred to buying (and selling) stuff. Specifically beauty products that I had no interest in previously. Oh and pyjamas. Weird.

And of course underlying all of this, there is my addiction to words. I have always loved words, both reading and writing. When I was drinking, there was no time for words between hangovers or napping or rehydrating. 

But now, I can’t stop. I’m always writing something or planning the next thing to write about. Or reading blogs or nosing at online forums. Or sourcing articles or memes. Words have saved me from drowning in my own self pity and now I am constantly learning rather than destroying my brain own cells with poison. I urge everyone to give words a go .. it’s a great release to put everything down on paper and you might even help someone else in the process! 

#day131

Share
Share