In November 2015, one of the best things ever happened to me. My little nephew was born.

I don’t have children so imagine my joy when the cutest, happiest, funniest little creature came into the world and stole my heart.

For the first year of his life, I was drinking. Not that he would’ve known of course, but I was also smoking and I was conscious that he could breathe in chemicals from me. It made me want to give up smoking but I found it really difficult not to smoke when I was drinking. In an attempt to cut down smoking, I gave myself a stupid rule that I would only smoke if I drank .. and upped my wine intake accordingly! 

I also found that this particular small boy made me morbidly ponder my time left on this planet, and with him. I was more than aware of the dangers of drinking and smoking and however, suddenly, my time became ultra precious. Why would I want to spend any less time with this boy for the sake of another bottle of wine or packet of cigarettes?

The overwhelming urge to spend as much time possible with him was too strong to resist and he became another massively important reason to overhaul my life. I wanted him to be proud of me, not to think of me as the alcoholic auntie, always pissed at parties! 

So now he gets me. The real me. Not someone too hungover to play with him or someone too drunk to spend time with him. I plan on being the best version of myself for him and to be in his life for as long as I possibly can, sober and present. Lucky, lucky him 😁🙋🏻🐟

#day115

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