Missing: Off Switch

So many people, like me, think they don't have an 'off switch'. In fact, I thought I didn't have one for most of my life. This leads to proper bingeing. It could be from devouring a whole packet of biscuits in one sitting or smoking a whole packet of cigarettes or drinking a bottle (or 5) of wine, nothing could have stopped me.

I've always been the same. Enough is never enough. Apparently, at the church Jubilee party in 1977, aged 2 and 3/4, I had to be dragged away after everyone else had left, as I didn't want the party to end. This trait stayed with me until recently when, aged 42 and a bit (a mere 40 years later), I finally decided to put a end to gluttony and indulgence.

I am lucky. I had a good childhood with most things I wanted. Sweets were a treat on special occasions however, when I was let loose as an adult, I had as many sweets as I could stomach. Literally. As I grew older, I realised I couldn't buy big bags or multiple bags, or actually keep sweets in the house, as I wouldn't stop until they were gone. The same happened with wine. And cigarettes. If I took advantage of the 'buy 6 bottles and get 5% off', I'd drink them in record time. And don't get me started on boxes of 200 cigarettes at Duty Free!

I often think, wouldn't it be lovely to have one, maybe two glasses of Prosecco, go to bed at midnight and wake up feeling fresh. I'm not sure I have ever done this. Once the first glass is consumed, I'm anybody's! Usually until the early hours, until the first Prosecco is a long, distant memory. And I'm on repeat.

If I ever decided to drive to dinner or the pub, I probably wouldn't bother with any alcohol, as couldn't really see the point of 'just the one'. If I did have 'just the one' I'd then spend the entire evening hatching a plan as to how to leave my car and pick it up the next day. An utterly pointless waste of time.

Today is day 51 of not drinking or smoking and I'm on a healthy eating plan. I'm full of vitamins and feel great .. I'm moving more and have tons more energy, as well as sleeping better and feel much sharper. I'm still struggling a little with social situations, especially where others are indulging, but I know that, in time, they will become easier and drunk people will become funny again!

I'm so happy I have finally located said 'off switch'. I feel lucky now that I know I actually do have one as I know others struggle to find theirs. The trick now is to keep it jammed firmly in the 'off' position whilst I nurture my body, rather than destroying it week in, week out. And not lose it for the next 40 years .. if I have that long left!

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