This morning, I started thinking about all the things that I have deliberately changed, since last summer.
When my relationshit really started fizzling out, I had an overwhelming urge to makeover my flat. Like a deep cleanse. Out with the old and in with the new. I started with a new mattress & bedding, sold all my old furniture and bought all new. I EBay'd my clothes. And splashed out on a sofa.
Whilst this transition was happening, I had also started thinking about going sober. All were mechanisms to ensure that I wouldn't go back to what broke me; I was a woman on a mission.
Once my makeover was complete, I then received a call out of the blue with a new job opportunity. I had been at my company for 10 years .. I thought I'd be there until I died to be honest .. so when this opportunity came along, it would've been silly to refuse.
So, now I had a fresh clean flat and a new job. I was single and free. I was going to become sober. And write about it. It was the metaphorical blank page I needed to succeed.
As you may know, my sober year started earlier than planned .. my current company have only ever known me sober .. and have been more than supportive. To be fair, it would be a bit hard to keep it a secret from them as I bear my soul to the internet!!
Learning a new job has been hard but rewarding. I'm not exactly sure how I would've coped binge drinking at weekends and then trying to learn on weekdays. But then I suppose I managed before ...
With the change in jobs, my whole routine has changed. My commute is 2 minutes as opposed to 45. I get up later. I spend less time in the car getting wound up. I spend less time in the car full stop. I take lunch. I work mainly alone. The stress I didn't know was there is gone. All those triggers to reach for the wine removed.
In the evening, I write. And source things to amuse/educate/inspire my followers. All this takes time, time I previously spent necking a bottle of the red stuff.
I realised that, as well as music and smells reminding me of my drinking days, my clothes did too. A dress I bought to wear to a party and got hammered in, or a top I wore on a drunk date I'd rather forget. I EBay'd the lot. Any link to my old life had to go.
I'm not smoking and have no desire to do so. I used to wake up smelling smoke, hating the fact I'd smoked out of my window the night before . I can feel in the difference in my breathing and definitely prefer a life without fags.
I'm eating well and I'm losing weight. Another reason for a new wardrobe. I have more money to treat myself and I no longer have the burden of cleaning at weekends as I pay someone to do it for me out of my 'not buying wine' fund!
It is truly amazing how much has changed in 6 small months. It is actually staggering how much alcohol influenced every area of my life and how much better things are now it's gone.
I am starting to love myself. The self esteem that had been crushed by the relationshit is back with a vengeance. The inspiration to write is back. The desire to drink is gone.